BY TOM LAVIS
TLAVIS@TRIBDEM.COM
I walked into Big Shady’s Hardware Store and Ice Cream Stand to buy some windshield washer fluid and ran into a buzz saw.
Shady and his legion of minions, who hang around the store from the time it opens until lunch, were arguing about a subject I knew something about.
The gang was arguing about the merits of time-outs.
“I don’t think teams should waste them by throwing the challenge flag, especially in the fourth quarter,” I said.
The minions gave me strange looks, as if my zipper was down.
Ignoring my interruption, they continued their conversation. It turns out they were discussing the discipline method of making a child sit in one place for a specific amount of time until he or she has learned a lesson.
“I don’t believe in it,” Junior Miller said as he hiked up his bib overalls.
His 3-year-old grandson, Percy, has a penchant for getting what he wants by throwing temper tantrums.
“His room looks like a storage depot for Santa’s workshop,” Junior said.
“Things are a lot different than when we were growing up,” Shady said.
He was referring to our parents’ methods of discipline.
It was dad’s job to take off his belt and administer punishment with it while mom stood by yelling, “That’s enough.”
The discussion started when Junior told the guys about the last time he and his wife went to baby-sit Percy.
“My daughter handed my wife an egg timer,” Junior said.
Perplexed, he asked what it was for.
Junior rolled his eyes as his daughter explained the concept of time-outs.
“By using this method of discipline, we are giving Percy a time-out as positive reinforcement after he misbehaves,” she said.
“Do you mean I can’t yell?” Junior said.
The egg timer was used to count down a kid’s time of punishment, which is usually one minute for every year of age.
“It didn’t take long for us to use the timer,” Junior said.
Instead of drinking milk for lunch, Percy demanded a Pepsi.
Junior figured the kid didn’t care for the milk when he knocked the cup over, spilling milk on the table and floor.
“I could have wrung his neck,” Junior said.
Instead, Junior’s wife set the egg timer for three minutes and instructed their grandson to sit on a wooden chair in the dining room, which had been designated as the time-out seat.
Junior didn’t have much confidence in this method of discipline.
“My wife kept looking in on him as if he were exiled to a different planet,” Junior said.
After three minutes, Junior’s wife took Percy by the hand and led him back into the kitchen to finish his lunch.
She poured him another glass of milk.
As quick as you could say “spilled milk,” Percy sent the cup sailing across the table.
Junior snapped.
“If you don’t want milk, then you’re not thirsty,” Junior said.
At least he didn’t use the line about starving kids in China who would love to have milk.
Nowadays, Chinese kids probably are hooked on Pepsi, too.
“You’re on time-out for an hour,” Junior’s wife barked at her husband.
“I’m only 59,” he shot back.
“Do you want to try for two hours? she asked.
“If you need me, I’ll be on the recliner,” Junior said.
